The happy trio

So everything is okay, adding Jay into the mix has not screwed anything up (so far anyway). I'm happy to say I have had sex with Jay another time. He was a little gentler, which I liked. I think we have great sex, but I'm relieved because there is no emotional bond. Jay doesn't really have a personality that is compatible to mine. I think he feels the same way-I think he likes woman that don't talk as much as me. But I guess as long as we keep having fun in bed this little clash doesn't really matter. His body is the only turn on. So, this is a good thing, because I don't need to worry about falling for him and it effecting everything I have with Mark and Laura.

Laura and I have been doing really well. We went out the other night on a date. This was a major step for me. I'm a little paranoid about people knowing/thinking I'm a lesbian. I guess I am, but its still a label that makes me uncomfortable. I never planned on being with another woman it just kind of happened. I also fear someone seeing me from my school/job/whatever. We have gone out in the past, but we mainly looked like friends. The other night we were kissing, holding hands, and I think it was obvious we were a couple. I don't know if I'm being more open and less private, or if its just because I feel bad that Laura is kind of kept hidden. Mark goes to all of my school functions and Laura is always introduced as a friend to people I don't know on a personal level. I don't think I'm necessarily scared about people knowing, but it is that underlying fear that I may lose my job (which isn't really a job yet) and my career. I've spoken to Laura and Mark about it before one night after we went out for dinner.

I do have a paranoid type personality. I tend to think of the worse possible outcomes and drive myself into some serious anxiety. I've been a lot better about keeping it in check for quite sometime (years really- since high school) but the other night when me and Laura came home I was really freaking out. We had a great time but then I think I realized how 'obvious' we had been and I started thinking of what people thought and what they assumed and how they must of thought we were sick. I know that I'm not, but the fact that some people might feel that way does hurt, and I guess that is why I have a tight-knit group of friends around me-to kind of keep me sheltered from all of those things. I mean my life is pretty surreal and not normal...

I don't know if this made sense. It doesn't really make sense to me. I had fun with Laura and we really are happy. I guess without realizing it, going out on a date was a big major step for me. Maybe I took it too soon. I guess in a way it kind of felt good to just enjoy Laura's company and each other without fearing anything... but when I got home it hit me really hard and I over thought everything. I should just relax!

My night with Jay...

I had a very interesting night with Jay yesterday. He came a little late. We all watched a movie (Laura, Mark, Jay and I). I of course was distracted the whole time. Jay made no attempt to hide the fact he was staring at me. I was wearing a simple short jean skirt and a t-shirt. I was laying with Laura on the floor in front of the TV. Mark and Jay were on the couch drinking beer and just watching the movie. I would occasionally kiss Laura or stroke her cute little bottom through her sweat pants. Then I got more daring, pulling at her thong, reaching under her clothes kissing her. I know its every guys fantasy... so I took advantage of it. At one point I went out the room dragging Laura with me and we fooled around very loudly in the neighboring room with the door half open. It was so funny because Laura knew why I was doing it and she was trying her hardest, not to be loud. Laura just ended up laying down after we were done, because she really had no interest in the movie.

When I finally got out of the room I just came out with one of Mark's old shirts on, no bra and no underwear. Jay just started to laugh. We all knew why he was there. I knew Mark told him what I wanted. I curled up between them and I'm sure they could tell I was naked underneath... I know Mark knew at least. I gave Mark a nice long kiss and whispered thank you in his ear and told him I loved him. He held onto my face and gave me a strange look- I think just making sure I knew what I was doing before kissing me again.

I was so excited I just grabbed Jay by the hand and told him to go into the other room. Later Mark told me he spent the night with Laura... I hope they had a fun night, I know I did. As soon as were in the bedroom Jay pushed me into the wall. I was shocked because I didn't think he would be so rough. He grabbed my arms and put them above my head and held them there with one hand while he kissed me and felt me with his other. His hands were under my shirt and exploring my body. He rubbed me all over-not in a way that was necessarily sexual, but more just discovering my body for the first time. He pulled my shirt off and kissed me very hard. He was a little stubbly and it hurt my face a little. All of this isn't necessarily my style, but it really was exciting for me to be with someone else.

Sex with him was great his cock is about the same length as Mark's (perfect), but he was really really thick... I felt like I was stretched out to the max. It was crazy. He fucked me hard from the back with me smooched against the wall. He came and I was a little scared my night would be over. But then he told me to go on the bed and ate my pussy... it was mind blowing... he played with my tits and then he shoved his cock in my mouth. I pride myself on my ability to deep throat... but with him it was impossible. I guess it was possible because he kept pushing himself into me a little more. I thought I might gag for a little bit. (My throat is still sore today)

Basically we fucked almost all night in many different ways. He didn't stay over, but he kissed me when he left and said he hoped we would do it again. It was bizarre, everything I wanted but still very crazy. I have marks all over that are going to turn into gross bruises (many already have), on my wrists, upper arms, stomach, and thighs. On top of that my muscles are so sore too. I do want to fuck him again though. I came a lot, and he is very different from any guy I've ever been with. He is extremely rough though. I makes me wonder if he should be with Laura. They can take turns using the gag!

My little mess....

I can't believe I didn't post it before... The possibility of another lover. Why do I live a life full of drama?

Let me tell you a little bit about the guy... His name is Jay. He is black, very muscular. He has the sexiest voice. He is extremely good looking... Mark and Jay are actually really good friends. He told Mark that he thought I was sexy- this was way back when Liam was in the picture and before we were 'officially' a couple. I of course told Mark I thought he looked really good.

All of our close friends now our living arrangements- a lot of them don't agree with it, but they accept it for what it is. Jay has joked a few time about getting in on the action with Laura and I. Of course it got me thinking. I am a very sexual girl, I think maybe a little too much. Mark is great, but the thought of another guy is very enticing. It makes me think back on the times when I was seeing two guys at the same time- I was very sexually satisfied. I know that ultimately it didn't work out though- so this is what has been causing me some reservations.

Laura isn't too keen on the idea of me throwing another guy into the mix. I think she may have even been a little offended. I yelled at her to the point where she was crying. I think I finally know why she is so controling in the bedroom-because I am so controling out of it.

I really feel about hurting her... she has been my friend for a long time. I told her that I love her and that its just something I really think I need to do. Its basically the same thing that lead me to her- I took a chance. If she ever wants to see other people she can... I know that I put her on the back burner a lot. I never thought I would 'be with' a woman. It just kind of happened.

Mark is the person I feel most connected with... Laura has her own room-I visit her at night when I'm in the mood, sometimes she stays in bed with me and Mark. This is making me feel bad... it seems like Im a major bitch. I really love Laura, but there is more of a bond with Mark... I guess this why I cringe when I say I'm bisexual... Why are thing so confusing? I have all this freedom in my relationship, but sometimes it just drives me crazy, but it is what I wanted afterall.

Mark says its fine though (me being with Jay)... so I know I will most likely give in. He's coming over tomorrow night, so I'll either be on my best be behavior or be a little temptress.

I'll keep you all posted... and for goodness sake leave a comment. I'm already an open book so I obviously don't care if you verbally bash me on here!

everything is fine...

So Laura said she was fine with me not using the gag. Its tucked away somewhere, and I won't be seeing it again for a long time. I think Mark might have told her how it was freaking me out a ton. She told me she just wanted to try it out. I'm not sure if she was disappointed, she said she wasn't (I'm still not sure).

The crop has been fun to use. In fact my bum is covered in small bruises and so is Laura's and out thighs too, but It really is a fun toy. I even did a sneak attack and used it on Mark, while he was fucking me in missionary position. I don't think he loved it, but he didn't complain while we were at it. It was mostly just funny- the look of confusion and pleasure on his face at the same time! I couldn't help but laugh about when I saw his reaction. Mark has enjoyed using it on me though. The crop was better than I thought it would be.

Mark and Laura are so great to me... it sounds corny, but I really love them. Yesterday morning for example. I was on the couch snuggling with Mark and Laura's head was across my lap. It was just a quiet moment, watching t.v., but it felt nice having all of us enjoying each others' company.

Maybe I'm just sharing this, because yesterday we all went to the pub to celebrate Saint Patty's Day. I was drinking quite a bit, dancing with Laura mostly, while Mark watched and chatted with friends. Guess who walks in? Liam. It has been months since I've seen him. I didn't even talk to him. He just annoys me so much. A part of me hurt a little though. I don't know why he still bothers me after so long. He said something to Mark, I'm not sure what. Mark didn't seem mad or anything. The whole thing was rather bizarre.

This morning I asked him what Liam said (I had the biggest hang over!). Mark told me just asked how we were. I don't know if there was more to it or not. Probably not. I know Mark saw how much Liam hurt me before, so maybe he wouldn't tell me everything. But it really did look like nothing. I just wonder... did Liam think I looked good? Does he ever think about me? miss me? I would love for him to miss me. Maybe hurt like I did a little. I don't even think he knows Laura and I are together now. I'm obviously over analyzing this.

I still had a good night, although Liam was in the back of my mind a little. I had fun being with loved ones. I just wish Mark would dance a little... Its all good though.

I'm trying to think if there is anything else I need to update about. I still have a monster headache so I can't really think straight, whatever- if there is something else I"ll post later.
But like I said everything is fine.... for now anyway.

Kinky sex toys...

As I mentioned before. I have recently gotten into some more kinkier sex play. I don't know if I have a sex fetish. Maybe, but I don't know. I guess I just have to try everything first to see if I end up obessessing with something, right?

Well I guess I should expalin why I am so worried... The other day Laura expanded to our sex toy collection. She got a few thing: a new dildo, plug, crop, gag, and collar. Of course I loved the dildo and plug. I actually loved the collar too. I was concerned about how it would look on me, but its really nice. It has the nipple clamps connected to it too. It feels good and I can adjust how much they are pinching me.

As for the gag and the crop they really freaked me out. Laura has gagged me before with just a scarf - it was more fun than effective at keeping me quiet. In fact this gag seems like a torture device (I guess that is what it is supposed to seem like). It looks like it could hurt my mouth, dig into my cheeks, and hurt my jaw (it really seems scarey to me). I don't know what to do. I know she saw the look of dissapointment/fear on my face when I pulled it out of the bag. I told her I just didn't know how it would feel, which is true, but more than that I was really scared she is far more into the domenation/bondage stuff than me. I enjoy the dressing up and acting. I do it more for the role playing. I think she might like to do it, because she enjoys giving/recieving pain.

As for the crop, I guess I'm only a little bit scared. At first I called it a whip and she corrected me. I really have no clue what I'm doing- She has spanked me before (a lot really). In fact, Mark has spanked me before too. Its fun for me. I love tying Laura down and spanking her too. I just worry I'll get really hurt with the crop. I mean I get bruises often from rough sex and play, but I don't want to be in a lot of pain. I guess I have to talk to her to make sure she knows my limits. I really am open, its just scarey trying some new things. I love her though, and I know she loves me, and she should understand.

I guess I never knew she was into these things so much. I feel kind of ungreatful in a way. I'm always comlaining. I guess its mainly just the gag. I'll just have to tell her. I did tell Mark, and he said just to tell her. I started crying thats how much it scares me. Well... like I said-she will understand. I just need to tell her.

Im a whore...

The other night, Mark did something rather unexpected. Usually he is very predictable. We went out to eat, just the two of us. It was nice, concedering none of us really did anything major for Valentine's Day. I don't think any of us really think of that as a major holiday or anything. Its just been a while since I dressed up to go out for dinner. It was a nice small Italian restaurant and a nice treat. If that wasn't great enough, Mark also surprised me on the way home.

Mark, loved what I was wearing. Of course he mentioned it the whole time we were out, which I love. Mark is not much for having sex with the risk of getting caught. We have done it a few times, but only because I started it. So when Mark turned into a parking lot and drove to the back of a store, I was really surprised. We ended up having sex outside leaning against the car. It was fun though... My dress hiked up around my waist, panties pulled to the side, like a back-alley-hooker. I like that dirty quality sex can have some times... It was just a quick fuck-after all it is the middle of winter! But it was exciting, especially knowing Mark was so into it...

Not much of a tale, but still something.... and I loved it!

2 days in a row!

Wow... Hopefully this will be a regular thing. So maybe I should expand a little on this new living arrangment. Like I said before... Laura has her own room and Mark and Me have a room. We do sleep together most nights, but some nights Mark and I sleep alone. Other nights I will sleep just with Laura.

I think a typical night would be us all laying in the bed. Mark isn't much of a cuddler after he's asleep so me and Laura curl up together. Usually Laura leaves after I go to bed. I think its just because we are all on a little queen size bed, which can suck a lot of the time.

Some things people might think are that I have crazy sex. I think I have sex just as often as I did when I was just with Mark. I think this is probably because I have sex with them at the same time usually. Also women are extremely moody, so if Laura and I aren't in the mood/sad/angry/etc., then nothing really happens.
I don't know if this paints a clearer picture... probably not. I will say that Laura is great and Mark is too.
Laura and I did get into a little arguement today, about the shower of all thing! I wanted to jump in with her because I was running late and didn't want to wait. Laura just flipped out about privacy, and giving her some alone time. I of course started crying. Woman are so emotional! Crazy- I still don't think I did anything wrong, but she was slamming everything in the kitchen, being dramatic-of course. I know she was PMSing. I don't know how Mark deals with it all to be honest. Laura does get over things quickly, though, and she has a way of explaining things so I always see her side and she respects my opinions. I feel like Im gushing.... maybe Im still in a Valentine's Day mode...