My little mess....

I can't believe I didn't post it before... The possibility of another lover. Why do I live a life full of drama?

Let me tell you a little bit about the guy... His name is Jay. He is black, very muscular. He has the sexiest voice. He is extremely good looking... Mark and Jay are actually really good friends. He told Mark that he thought I was sexy- this was way back when Liam was in the picture and before we were 'officially' a couple. I of course told Mark I thought he looked really good.

All of our close friends now our living arrangements- a lot of them don't agree with it, but they accept it for what it is. Jay has joked a few time about getting in on the action with Laura and I. Of course it got me thinking. I am a very sexual girl, I think maybe a little too much. Mark is great, but the thought of another guy is very enticing. It makes me think back on the times when I was seeing two guys at the same time- I was very sexually satisfied. I know that ultimately it didn't work out though- so this is what has been causing me some reservations.

Laura isn't too keen on the idea of me throwing another guy into the mix. I think she may have even been a little offended. I yelled at her to the point where she was crying. I think I finally know why she is so controling in the bedroom-because I am so controling out of it.

I really feel about hurting her... she has been my friend for a long time. I told her that I love her and that its just something I really think I need to do. Its basically the same thing that lead me to her- I took a chance. If she ever wants to see other people she can... I know that I put her on the back burner a lot. I never thought I would 'be with' a woman. It just kind of happened.

Mark is the person I feel most connected with... Laura has her own room-I visit her at night when I'm in the mood, sometimes she stays in bed with me and Mark. This is making me feel bad... it seems like Im a major bitch. I really love Laura, but there is more of a bond with Mark... I guess this why I cringe when I say I'm bisexual... Why are thing so confusing? I have all this freedom in my relationship, but sometimes it just drives me crazy, but it is what I wanted afterall.

Mark says its fine though (me being with Jay)... so I know I will most likely give in. He's coming over tomorrow night, so I'll either be on my best be behavior or be a little temptress.

I'll keep you all posted... and for goodness sake leave a comment. I'm already an open book so I obviously don't care if you verbally bash me on here!